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[Rɑu] on love, travel & tangerines

Grief hit brutally hard the second year. It felt like sobering up to the fullest extent of your death after that year of first times as if someone had punctured my love bubble.

At the beginning of the Summer I sold our home in Arnhem. The house was saturated with our love, happiness and fun. The walls, floors and ceilings couldn’t bear any of my new memories. I drove up to Rumoro with your cremation urn behind my seat. For a month you took me on roadtrip to spread your ashes around your favorite Astrurian places ending at the Ruta del Cares.

One sad Sunday morning we met at the cementerio of Parres where you overlook the rocky coastline that hugs both the sea and Llanes. I spread some of your ashes around the family grave. In my best Spanish I explained to your abuelo y abuela what had happened to you and asked if they could take you in. I now have a place where we can date, chat and listen to Jij.

The second year felt like a continuing battle between wanting to anchor a new normal and clinging on to the old. There’s a fierce fight going on between letting go and holding tight. And at the very moment I wanted to crawl out of my grief cave coronavirus hit forcing me to turn inwards, pulling my energy close and learning more lessons about spinning around on my own axis. Grief feels like being in quarantine because of a total lockdown.

When autumn arrived you exiled me to Chateau Dumas where I have lived through my darkest hour. It felt as you had abandoned me. In our last seflie even your smile seemed to have faded into a wistful sad grin. Staying at the chateau I was that close to losing it all. Which was literally true since I had let go of our ground, Monty and you. Furry friends kept me sane. Bluey, Bella and Toby took me along on strolls through the forest letting go of my monsters with every stick to throw and fetch.

Ventura le chat au chateau showing up at my bed, feet and writing table to strengthen my heart power during this profound process. It was only after extensive stroke-cuddle-play sessions with Vennie that my heart softened and slowly opened up again. Through the cracks you returned at first with barely audible whispers. Switi, it’s time to release. Not knowing you hinted at something to manifest in the corporeal world. So you had to nudge a little louder while I was deeply grieving.

You came back at the end of October whispering, I want this ebook in English for my second deathversary. You took me by the hand through our amazing magical love story so you could radiate through me again. Now it’s fullfilled. Ventura is in bed tightly curled against my left thigh. I have a café d’amour in my hand. From our last selfie you smile your biggest smile ever while we listen to Jij. I am right here, Switi. Let’s have another beautiful day tomorrow.

Chateau Dumas, November 16
Carina Wiegman

[Rɑu] is the upbeat story of a colorful grief nomad who drags you along with the speed of love from the safe vortex of her cave through a full load of grief and the love that survives with humor when two lovers are forced to say goodbye in three months.

Loving well is an Art but describing Love, Laughter and Pain so beautifully is a Gift. KATHLEEN Williams

A dazzling Soul Adventure, backpacking the human Experience.

Heartbreakingly beautiful. Grief in its most vulnerable form. You’ll be hard pressed not to feel moved. CHRISTINA Barnett

Get [Rau]


DOMINGUIN, little Sunday, suddenly matures when he walks out of the hospital with a take-away-cancer and only few weeks to live. Well, that’s the end of it then, he states, shortly before turning 50. Bad luck. Fortunately Dominguin learns at a young age to translate dreams into deeds living as a carefree single exploring the world of dating sites, software engineering and electronic music festivals. One day he falls for the smile of his Switi with whom he travels for many years.

Fifty is the new hundred, they both claim. But in front of Channel Max’ slow TV shows Almost there, I am leaving and Way out they realize that one dream will never become real. Building a house somewhere abroad and growing old together. In three months time the all-you-can-eat cancer bites Dominguin like Pacman after which his techno queen, belly whisperer and travel babe embarks on a dazzling throwbackpack adventure on her own.

A moving Journey marked by Longing, Grief and Resilience. A Heart-felt and Gut-wrenching Read. KEELIN Macdonald

A visceral Journey through love-life-loss-life. AMANDA Gaynor

Written with a beautiful Vulnerability. It’s direct, Raw and gives the reader an intimate view at both Love and Grief. AL Cahill

What a colorful piece of Art, taking you into all nuances of what real Life has to offer. From Darkness to Light but soaked with LOVE in every moment. JENNY Sapia

The unbreakable Beauty of a grieving Heart. LEMBA De miranda

A Journey that ignites the Spark to live Life to its fullest. Readers will connect to the wonderful Words, and feel inspired to Travel, Love and Live. JUSTUS Del Mundo

Intens. Compellingly Funny, Colorful and Real. WILLEMIJN Bessem